Opening the book…
Opening the book…
Responding to hurt, taking responsibility, and choosing your boundaries.
“Have you forgiven someone, or been forgiven, in a way that mattered? What was it, and what changed?”
Related passages from different traditions. Read them together, or follow a question that interests you.
Meeting harm, hatred, or enmity with love, kindness, or generous spirit rather than retaliation.
10 passages · 6 traditions
Let a man overcome anger by love, let him overcome evil by good; let him overcome the greedy by liberality, the liar by truth!
— Buddhism · Dhammapada, 17.v.223, tr. F. Max Müller, 1881 ↗
But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.
— Hebrew & Christian Bible · Bible, Matthew 5:44, tr. King James Version (1611/1769) ↗
Turn aside evil with that which is better: we best know what they utter against thee.
— Qur’an · Qur'an, 23:96, tr. J. M. Rodwell, 1861 ↗
For hatred does not cease by hatred at any time: hatred ceases by love, this is an old rule.
— Buddhism · Dhammapada, 1.v.5, tr. F. Max Müller, 1881 ↗
Certainly, in taking revenge, a man is but even with his enemy; but in passing it over, he is superior; for it is a prince's part to pardon.
— Renaissance humanism · Francis Bacon, The Essays or Counsels, Civil and Moral, Of Revenge, 1625 ↗
To those who are good (to me), I am good; and to those who are not good (to me), I am also good;--and thus (all) get to be good. To those who are sincere (with me), I am sincere; and to those who are not sincere (with me), I am also sincere;--and thus (all) get to be sincere.
Let us live happily then, not hating those who hate us! among men who hate us let us dwell free from hatred!
Understanding wrongdoers as ignorant or trapped rather than malicious, and responding with patience instead of anger.
14 passages · 4 traditions
If I, he may thus argue, who exercise my own mind, and have been refined by tribulation, find the serpent's egg in some fold of my heart, and crush it with difficulty, shall not I pity those who are stamped with less vigour, or who have heedlessly nurtured the insidious reptile till it poisoned the vital stream it sucked?
— The Enlightenment · Mary Wollstonecraft, A Vindication of the Rights of Woman, Chapter 7 (on reputation and female virtue), 1792 ↗
All men are made one for another: either then teach them better, or bear with them.
— Stoicism · Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 8.LVI, tr. Meric Casaubon (1634/1635) ↗
Whensoever any man doth trespass against other, presently consider with thyself what it was that he did suppose to be good, what to be evil, when he did trespass. For this when thou knowest, thou wilt pity him, thou wilt have no occasion either to wonder, or to be angry. For either thou thyself dost yet live in that error and ignorance... Or if so be that thou dost not any more suppose the same things to be good or evil, that he doth; how canst thou but be gentle unto him that is in an error?
— Stoicism ·
The path back from wrongdoing through remorse, confession, and change, met with welcome rather than condemnation.
19 passages · 4 traditions
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
— Hebrew & Christian Bible · Bible, Psalms 51:17, tr. King James Version (1611/1769) ↗
And Dhoulnoun; when he went on his way in anger, and thought that we had no power over him. But in the darkness he cried "There is no God but thou: Glory be unto Thee! Verily, I have been one of the evil doers:" So we heard him and rescued him from misery: for thus rescue we the faithful.
— Qur’an · Qur'an, 21:87-88, tr. J. M. Rodwell, 1861 ↗
He who formerly was reckless and afterwards became sober, brightens up this world, like the moon when freed from clouds.
— Buddhism · Dhammapada, 13.v.172, tr. F. Max Müller, 1881 ↗
They said, 'It cannot harm us, for to our Lord shall we return: Assuredly we trust that our Lord will forgive us our sins, since we are of the first who believe.'
Forgiveness as a quality of God or the universe itself, freely extended to those who turn toward what is good.
13 passages · 3 traditions
He said: "Peace be on thee! I will pray my Lord for thy forgiveness, for he is gracious to me: But I will separate myself from you, and the gods ye call on beside God, and on my Lord will I call. Haply, my prayers to my Lord will not be with ill success."
— Qur’an · Qur'an, 19:47-48, tr. J. M. Rodwell, 1861 ↗
Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
— Hebrew & Christian Bible · Bible, Matthew 5:7, tr. King James Version (1611/1769) ↗
Bad men it guards, and doth their ill efface. (Its) admirable words can purchase honour; (its) admirable deeds can raise their performer above others. Even men who are not good are not abandoned by it.
But pardon and a great reward for those who fear their Lord in secret!
The wisdom of not dwelling on past offenses — forgetting grievances, releasing resentment, moving on.
7 passages · 4 traditions
Po-i and Shu-ch'i did not keep the former wickednesses of men in mind, and hence the resentments directed towards them were few.
— Confucianism · Confucius, Analects, 5.22, tr. James Legge, 1893 ↗
Blessed are the forgetful: for they 'get the better' even of their blunders.
— Nineteenth-century philosophy · Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil, 217, tr. Helen Zimmern, 1907 ↗
There is no suffering for him who has finished his journey, and abandoned grief, who has freed himself on all sides, and thrown off all fetters.
— Buddhism · Dhammapada, 7.v.90, tr. F. Max Müller, 1881 ↗
Things that are done, it is needless to speak about; things that have had their course, it is needless to remonstrate about; things that are past, it is needless to blame.
Forgiveness has conditions: one must first reckon honestly with fault, confess it, or make repair.
15 passages · 7 traditions
Whoever causes the multitudes to be righteous, sin will not occur on his account; And whoever causes the multitudes to sin, they do not give him the ability to repent.
— Rabbinic Judaism · Pirkei Avot, 5:18, tr. Joshua Kulp, Mishnah Yomit (Sefaria, CC-BY) ↗
indulgence where our own claims only are concerned, but firmness in our demands where they relate to duties towards others or towards the public.
— The turn of the century · William James, The Varieties of Religious Experience, Note 153, 1902 ↗
Let the honor of your friend be as dear to you as your own; And be not easily provoked to anger; And repent one day before your death.
— Rabbinic Judaism · Pirkei Avot, 2:10, tr. Joshua Kulp, Mishnah Yomit (Sefaria, CC-BY) ↗
Fine words, an insinuating appearance, and excessive respect — Tso Ch'iu-ming was ashamed of them. I also am ashamed of them. To conceal resentment against a person, and appear friendly with him — Tso Ch'iu-ming was ashamed of such conduct. I also am ashamed of it.
— Buddhism · Dhammapada, 15.v.197, tr. F. Max Müller, 1881 ↗
To act without (thinking of) acting; to conduct affairs without (feeling the) trouble of them; to taste without discerning any flavour; to consider what is small as great, and a few as many; and to recompense injury with kindness.
The best kind of revenge is, not to become like unto them.
— Stoicism · Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 6.V, tr. Meric Casaubon (1634/1635) ↗
Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins.
— Hebrew & Christian Bible · Bible, Proverbs 10:12, tr. King James Version (1611/1769) ↗
When any shall either impeach thee with false accusations, or hatefully reproach thee, or shall use any such carriage towards thee, get thee presently to their minds and understandings, and look in them, and behold what manner of men they be. Thou shalt see, that there is no such occasion why it should trouble thee, what such as they are think of thee. Yet must thou love them still, for by nature they are thy friends.
— Stoicism · Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 9.XXV, tr. Meric Casaubon (1634/1635) ↗
There is no man doth a wrong, for the wrong's sake; but thereby to purchase himself profit, or pleasure, or honor, or the like. Therefore why should I be angry with a man, for loving himself better than me?
— Renaissance humanism · Francis Bacon, The Essays or Counsels, Civil and Moral, Of Revenge, 1625 ↗
Betimes in the morning say to thyself, This day I shalt have to do with an idle curious man, with an unthankful man, a railer, a crafty, false, or an envious man; an unsociable uncharitable man. All these ill qualities have happened unto them, through ignorance of that which is truly good and truly bad. But I that understand the nature of that which is good... How can I either be hurt by any of those, since it is not in their power to make me incur anything that is truly reproachful? or angry, and ill affected towards him, who by nature is so near unto me?
— Stoicism · Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 1.XV, tr. Meric Casaubon (1634/1635) ↗
Educated in worse than Egyptian bondage, it is unreasonable, as well as cruel, to upbraid them with faults that can scarcely be avoided, unless a degree of native vigour be supposed, that falls to the lot of very few amongst mankind.
— The Enlightenment · Mary Wollstonecraft, A Vindication of the Rights of Woman, Chapter 6, 1792 ↗
meekness is a thing unconquerable, if it be true and natural, and not affected or hypocritical. For how shall even the most fierce and malicious that thou shalt conceive, be able to hold on against thee, if thou shalt still continue meek and loving unto him?
— Stoicism · Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 11.XVI, tr. Meric Casaubon (1634/1635) ↗
Can the Gods, who are immortal, for the continuance of so many ages bear without indignation with such and so many sinners, as have ever been, yea not only so, but also take such care for them, that they want nothing; and dost thou so grievously take on, as one that could bear with them no longer; thou that art but for a moment of time? yea thou that art one of those sinners thyself?
— Stoicism · Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 7.XLI, tr. Meric Casaubon (1634/1635) ↗
Him that offends, to teach with love and meekness, and to show him his error. But if thou canst not, then to blame thyself; or rather not thyself neither, if thy will and endeavours have not been wanting.
— Stoicism · Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 10.IV, tr. Meric Casaubon (1634/1635) ↗
Either teach them better if it be in thy power; or if it be not, remember that for this use, to bear with them patiently, was mildness and goodness granted unto thee. The Gods themselves are good unto such; yea and in some things, (as in matter of health, of wealth, of honour,) are content often to further their endeavours: so good and gracious are they. And mightest thou not be so too? or, tell me, what doth hinder thee?
— Stoicism · Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 9.IX, tr. Meric Casaubon (1634/1635) ↗
We are all born to be fellow-workers, as the feet, the hands, and the eyelids; as the rows of the upper and under teeth: for such therefore to be in opposition, is against nature; and what is it to chafe at, and to be averse from, but to be in opposition?
— Stoicism · Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 1.XV, tr. Meric Casaubon (1634/1635) ↗
When thou art offended with any man's transgression, presently reflect upon thyself; and consider what thou thyself art guilty of in the same kind. For this if thou shalt call to mind, thou shalt soon forget thine anger; especially when at the same time this also shall concur in thy thoughts, that he was constrained by his error and ignorance so to do: for how can he choose as long as he is of that opinion?
— Stoicism · Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 10.XXX, tr. Meric Casaubon (1634/1635) ↗
The superior man honours the talented and virtuous, and bears with all. He praises the good, and pities the incompetent. Am I possessed of great talents and virtue?-- who is there among men whom I will not bear with? Am I devoid of talents and virtue?-- men will put me away from them. What have we to do with the putting away of others?
— Confucianism · Confucius, Analects, 19.3, tr. James Legge, 1893 ↗
— Qur’an · Qur'an, 26:50-51, tr. J. M. Rodwell, 1861 ↗
Son, thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine. It was meet that we should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found.
— Hebrew & Christian Bible · Bible, Luke 15:31-32, tr. King James Version (1611/1769) ↗
But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.
— Hebrew & Christian Bible · Bible, Luke 15:20, tr. King James Version (1611/1769) ↗
And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father's have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, and am no more worthy to be called thy son.
— Hebrew & Christian Bible · Bible, Luke 15:17-19, tr. King James Version (1611/1769) ↗
Surely however will I forgive him who turneth to God and believeth, and worketh righteousness, and then yieldeth to guidance.
— Qur’an · Qur'an, 20:82, tr. J. M. Rodwell, 1861 ↗
For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.
— Hebrew & Christian Bible · Bible, Luke 15:24, tr. King James Version (1611/1769) ↗
He whose evil deeds are covered by good deeds, brightens up this world, like the moon when freed from clouds.
— Buddhism · Dhammapada, 13.v.173, tr. F. Max Müller, 1881 ↗
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
— Hebrew & Christian Bible · Bible, 1 John 1:9, tr. King James Version (1611/1769) ↗
I did it indeed, and I was one of those who erred: And I fled from you because I feared you; but my Lord hath given me wisdom and hath made me one of his Apostles.
— Qur’an · Qur'an, 26:20-21, tr. J. M. Rodwell, 1861 ↗
Save he who having done amiss shall afterwards exchange the evil for good; for I am Forgiving, Merciful.
— Qur’an · Qur'an, 27:11, tr. J. M. Rodwell, 1861 ↗
Moreover, Son of Pandu! wert thou worst Of all wrong-doers, this fair ship of Truth Should bear thee safe and dry across the sea Of thy transgressions.
— Hinduism · Bhagavad Gita, 4, tr. Edwin Arnold, 1885 ↗
If one of evil life turn in his thought / Straightly to Me, count him amidst the good; / He hath the high way chosen; he shall grow / Righteous ere long; he shall attain that peace / Which changes not.
— Hinduism · Bhagavad Gita, 9, tr. Edwin Arnold, 1885 ↗
Save those who shall repent and believe and do righteous works—for them God will change their evil things into good things, for God is Gracious, Merciful.
— Qur’an · Qur'an, 25:70, tr. J. M. Rodwell, 1861 ↗
This is what ye have been promised: to every one who hath turned in penitence to God and kept his laws; Who hath feared the God of Mercy in secret, and come to him with a contrite heart: Enter it in peace: this is the day of Eternity.
— Qur’an · Qur'an, 50:31-34, tr. J. M. Rodwell, 1861 ↗
He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.
— Hebrew & Christian Bible · Bible, Proverbs 28:13, tr. King James Version (1611/1769) ↗
I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.
— Hebrew & Christian Bible · Bible, Luke 15:7, tr. King James Version (1611/1769) ↗
— Qur’an · Qur'an, 67:12, tr. J. M. Rodwell, 1861 ↗
Surely however will I forgive him who turneth to God and believeth, and worketh righteousness, and then yieldeth to guidance.
— Qur’an · Qur'an, 20:82, tr. J. M. Rodwell, 1861 ↗
And I said, Beg forgiveness of your Lord, for He is ready to forgive. He will send down the very Heaven upon you in plenteous rains; And will increase you in wealth and children; and will give you gardens, and will give you watercourses.
— Qur’an · Qur'an, 71-76.71:10-12, tr. J. M. Rodwell, 1861 ↗
And all rancour will We remove from their bosoms: they shall sit as brethren, face to face, on couches: Therein no weariness shall reach them, nor forth from it shall they be cast for ever.
— Qur’an · Qur'an, 15:47-48, tr. J. M. Rodwell, 1861 ↗
Him only shalt thou really warn, who followeth the monition and feareth the God of mercy in secret: him cheer with tidings of pardon, and of a noble recompense.
— Qur’an · Qur'an, 36:11, tr. J. M. Rodwell, 1861 ↗
Meet is He to be feared. Meet is forgiveness in Him.
— Qur’an · Qur'an, 74:56, tr. J. M. Rodwell, 1861 ↗
Who hath created death and life to prove which of you will be most righteous in deed; and He is the Mighty, the Forgiving!
— Qur’an · Qur'an, 67:2, tr. J. M. Rodwell, 1861 ↗
Who hath created me, and guideth me, Who giveth me food and drink; And when I am sick, he healeth me, And who will cause me to die and again quicken me, And who, I hope, will forgive me my sins in the day of reckoning.
— Qur’an · Qur'an, 26:78-82, tr. J. M. Rodwell, 1861 ↗
To those who avoid great crimes and scandals but commit only lighter faults, verily, thy Lord will be diffuse of mercy. He well knew you when he produced you out of the earth, and when ye were embryos in your mother's womb. Assert not then your own purity. He best knoweth who feareth him.
— Qur’an · Qur'an, 56.53:32, tr. J. M. Rodwell, 1861 ↗
Serve God and fear Him, and obey me: Your sins will He forgive you, and respite you till the fixed Time; for when God's fixed Time hath come, it shall not be put back. Would that ye knew this!
— Confucianism · Confucius, Analects, 3.21, tr. James Legge, 1893 ↗
A branch cut off from the continuity of that which was next unto it, must needs be cut off from the whole tree: so a man that is divided from another man, is divided from the whole society. A branch is cut off by another, but he that hates and is averse, cuts himself off from his neighbour, and knows not that at the same time he divides himself from the whole body, or corporation.
— Stoicism · Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 11.VII, tr. Meric Casaubon (1634/1635) ↗
Ye go! Thou didst endure enough, oh, heart;-- Strong was thy hope; Unto new friends thy portals widely ope, Let old ones be. Bid memory depart!
— Nineteenth-century philosophy · Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil, FROM THE HEIGHTS, stanza 9, tr. Helen Zimmern, 1907 ↗
But herein is the gift and mercy of God, the Author of this society, in that, once cut off we may grow together and become part of the whole again. But if this happen often the misery is that the further a man is run in this division, the harder he is to be reunited and restored again.
— Stoicism · Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 11.VII, tr. Meric Casaubon (1634/1635) ↗
— Confucianism · Confucius, Analects, 5.24, tr. James Legge, 1893 ↗
I have taken notice of several in my time, who, convicted by their consciences of unjustly detaining the goods of another, have endeavoured to make amends by their will, and after their decease; but they had as good do nothing, as either in taking so much time in so pressing an affair, or in going about to remedy a wrong with so little dissatisfaction or injury to themselves. They owe, over and above, something of their own; and by how much their payment is more strict and incommodious to themselves, by so much is their restitution more just and meritorious. Penitency requires penalty.
— Renaissance humanism · Michel de Montaigne, Essays, Chapter VII, tr. Charles Cotton, ed. W. C. Hazlitt, 1877 ↗
In causes of life and death, judges ought (as far as the law permitteth) in justice to remember mercy; and to cast a severe eye upon the example, but a merciful eye upon the person.
— Renaissance humanism · Francis Bacon, The Essays or Counsels, Civil and Moral, Of Judicature, 1625 ↗
Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.
— Hebrew & Christian Bible · Bible, Matthew 5:23-24, tr. King James Version (1611/1769) ↗
When you have found out the truth of any accusation, be grieved for and pity them, and do not feel joy at your own ability.
— Confucianism · Confucius, Analects, 19.19, tr. James Legge, 1893 ↗
If anybody shall reprove me, and shall make it apparent unto me, that in any either opinion or action of mine I do err, I will most gladly retract. For it is the truth that I seek after, by which I am sure that never any man was hurt; and as sure, that he is hurt that continueth in any error, or ignorance whatsoever.
— Stoicism · Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 6.XX, tr. Meric Casaubon (1634/1635) ↗
Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
— Hebrew & Christian Bible · Bible, Matthew 7:1-2, tr. King James Version (1611/1769) ↗
It is true, Simha, that I denounce activities, but only the activities that lead to the evil in words, thoughts, or deeds. It is true, Simha, that I preach extinction, but only the extinction of pride, lust, evil thought, and ignorance, not that of forgiveness, love, charity, and truth.
— The turn of the century · Rabindranath Tagore, Sadhana: The Realisation of Life, II, 1913 ↗
Can men refuse to assent to the words of strict admonition? But it is reforming the conduct because of them which is valuable. Can men refuse to be pleased with words of gentle advice? But it is unfolding their aim which is valuable. If a man be pleased with these words, but does not unfold their aim, and assents to those, but does not reform his conduct, I can really do nothing with him.
— Confucianism · Confucius, Analects, 9.23, tr. James Legge, 1893 ↗
An evil deed is better left undone, for a man repents of it afterwards; a good deed is better done, for having done it, one does not repent.
— Buddhism · Dhammapada, 22.v.314, tr. F. Max Müller, 1881 ↗
The faults of the superior man are like the eclipses of the sun and moon. He has his faults, and all men see them; he changes again, and all men look up to him.
— Confucianism · Confucius, Analects, 19.21, tr. James Legge, 1893 ↗
Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
— Hebrew & Christian Bible · Bible, James 5:16, tr. King James Version (1611/1769) ↗