Common Book
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Love

Romantic and otherwise — the practice of caring for another person over time.

“What is something you used to believe about love that you no longer believe? What changed your mind?”

Read the chapter: The long doing of it →Reflect on loveSpeak with the book

Facets

The angles love keeps showing up at, across thousands of years.

Love as active care for others

Love is not a feeling but a practice: feeding, visiting, burying, giving, and showing up for those in need.

17 passages · 6 traditions

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Loving without partiality or condition

True love extends equally to friend and enemy, stranger and kin, the good and the not-yet-good.

16 passages · 6 traditions

  • In the Way of Heaven, there is no partiality of love; it is always on the side of the good man.

    — Taoism · Tao Te Ching, 73-80.79, tr. James Legge, 1891 ↗

  • For as these being by nature appointed for such an use, can challenge no more, than that they may work according to their natural constitution: so man being born to do good unto others whensoever he doth a real good unto any by helping them out of error … doth help to further their desires he doth that for which he was made, and therefore can require no more.

    — Stoicism · Meditations, 9.XLIII, tr. George Long, 1862 ↗

  • He sees indeed who sees in all alike The living, lordly Soul; the Soul Supreme, Imperishable amid the Perishing: For, whoso thus beholds, in every place, In every form, the same, one, Living Life, Doth no more wrongfulness unto himself, But goes the highest road which brings to bliss.

    — Hinduism · Bhagavad Gita, 12.XIII, tr. Edwin Arnold, 1885 ↗

  • Bad men it guards, and doth their ill efface. (Its) admirable words can purchase honour; (its) admirable deeds can raise their performer above others. Even men who are not good are not abandoned by it.

    — Taoism · Tao Te Ching, 57-64.62, tr. James Legge, 1891 ↗

  • Who hateth nought Of all which lives, living himself benign, Compassionate, from arrogance exempt, Exempt from love of self, unchangeable By good or ill; patient, contented, firm In faith, mastering himself, true to his word, Seeking Me, heart and soul; vowed unto Me,-- That man I love!

    — Hinduism · Bhagavad Gita, 11.Chapter 12, later, tr. Edwin Arnold, 1885 ↗

  • To those who are good (to me), I am good; and to those who are not good (to me), I am also good;--and thus (all) get to be good. To those who are sincere (with me), I am sincere; and to those who are not sincere (with me), I am also sincere;--and thus (all) get to be sincere.

    — Taoism · Tao Te Ching, 49-56.49, tr. James Legge, 1891 ↗

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The reciprocity that binds us

We are made for one another, and the golden rule — do to others as you would have done to you — is the foundation of human society.

13 passages · 3 traditions

  • Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.

    — Hebrew & Christian Bible · Bible, Matthew.Matthew 7:12, tr. King James Version (1611/1769), 1611 ↗

  • A branch cut off from the continuity of that which was next unto it, must needs be cut off from the whole tree: so a man that is divided from another man, is divided from the whole society. A branch is cut off by another, but he that hates and is averse, cuts himself off from his neighbour, and knows not that at the same time he divides himself from the whole body, or corporation.

    — Stoicism · Meditations, 11.VII, tr. George Long, 1862 ↗

  • Is not RECIPROCITY such a word? What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others.

    — Confucianism · Analects, 15.23, tr. James Legge, 1893 ↗

  • Now the man of perfect virtue, wishing to be established himself, seeks also to establish others; wishing to be enlarged himself, he seeks also to enlarge others.

    — Confucianism · Analects, 6.28, tr. James Legge, 1893 ↗

  • When you go abroad, to behave to every one as if you were receiving a great guest; to employ the people as if you were assisting at a great sacrifice; not to do to others as you would not wish done to yourself.

    — Confucianism · Analects, 12.2, tr. James Legge, 1893 ↗

  • That which is not good for the bee-hive, cannot be good for the bee.

    — Stoicism · Meditations, 6.XLIX, tr. George Long, 1862 ↗

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  • But herein is the gift and mercy of God, the Author of this society, in that, once cut off we may grow together and become part of the whole again. But if this happen often the misery is that the further a man is run in this division, the harder he is to be reunited and restored again.

    — Stoicism · Meditations, 11.VII, tr. George Long, 1862 ↗

  • To be able to judge of others by what is nigh in ourselves;-- this may be called the art of virtue.

    — Confucianism · Analects, 6.28, tr. James Legge, 1893 ↗

  • Labour not as one to whom it is appointed to be wretched, nor as one that either would be pitied, or admired; but let this be thine only care and desire; so always and in all things to prosecute or to forbear, as the law of charity, or mutual society doth require.

    — Stoicism · Meditations, 9.X, tr. George Long, 1862 ↗

  • Virtue is not left to stand alone. He who practises it will have neighbors.

    — Confucianism · Analects, 4.25, tr. James Legge, 1893 ↗

  • Let the superior man never fail reverentially to order his own conduct, and let him be respectful to others and observant of propriety:-- then all within the four seas will be his brothers.

    — Confucianism · Analects, 12.5, tr. James Legge, 1893 ↗

  • All men are made one for another: either then teach them better, or bear with them.

    — Stoicism · Meditations, 8.LVI, tr. George Long, 1862 ↗

  • We are all born to be fellow-workers, as the feet, the hands, and the eyelids; as the rows of the upper and under teeth: for such therefore to be in opposition, is against nature; and what is it to chafe at, and to be averse from, but to be in opposition?

    — Stoicism · Meditations, 1.XV, tr. George Long, 1862 ↗

Friendship: choosing and tending well

Who you befriend shapes who you become; good friendship requires sincerity, loyalty, honest correction, and lasting respect.

17 passages · 4 traditions

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Honoring parents and elders

Caring for those who raised or preceded us — with reverence, gentleness, and gratitude — is a central expression of love.

3 passages · 3 traditions

  • Thy Lord hath ordained that ye worship none but him; and, kindness to your parents, whether one or both of them attain to old age with thee: and say not to them, 'Fie!' neither reproach them; but speak to them both with respectful speech; And defer humbly to them out of tenderness; and say, 'Lord, have compassion on them both, even as they reared me when I was little.'

    — Qur’an · Qur'an, 17.17:23-24, tr. J. M. Rodwell, 1861 ↗

  • He who always greets and constantly reveres the aged, four things will increase to him, viz. life, beauty, happiness, power.

    — Buddhism · Dhammapada, 8.v.109, tr. F. Max Müller, 1881 ↗

  • The filial piety of now-a-days means the support of one's parents. But dogs and horses likewise are able to do something in the way of support;-- without reverence, what is there to distinguish the one support given from the other?

    — Confucianism · Analects, 2.7, tr. James Legge, 1893 ↗

Giving without seeking return

The purest love gives freely, asks nothing back, and does not even let the giver take pride in the giving.

8 passages · 5 traditions

  • And bestow not favours that thou mayest receive again with increase; And for thy Lord wait thou patiently.

    — Qur’an · Qur'an, 74.74:6-7, tr. J. M. Rodwell, 1861 ↗

  • The gift lovingly given, when one shall say 'Now must I gladly give!' when he who takes Can render nothing back; made in due place, Due time, and to a meet recipient, Is gift of Sattwan, fair and profitable.

    — Hinduism · Bhagavad Gita, 16.Chapter 17, near the end, tr. Edwin Arnold, 1885 ↗

  • There are four types of character in human beings: One that says: "mine is mine, and yours is yours": this is a commonplace type; and some say this is a sodom-type of character. [One that says:] "mine is yours and yours is mine": is an unlearned person; [One that says:] "mine is yours and yours is yours" is a pious person. [One that says:] "mine is mine, and yours is mine" is a wicked person.

    — Rabbinic Judaism · Pirkei Avot, 5.5:10, tr. Sefaria (CC-BY), 2024 ↗

  • There are four types of charity givers. He who wishes to give, but that others should not give: his eye is evil to that which belongs to others; He who wishes that others should give, but that he himself should not give: his eye is evil towards that which is his own; He who desires that he himself should give, and that others should give: he is a pious man; He who desires that he himself should not give and that others too should not give: he is a wicked man.

    — Rabbinic Judaism · Pirkei Avot, 5.5:13, tr. Sefaria (CC-BY), 2024 ↗

  • The gift selfishly given, where to receive Is hoped again, or when some end is sought, Or where the gift is proffered with a grudge, This is of Rajas, stained with impulse, ill.

    — Hinduism · Bhagavad Gita, 16.Chapter 17, near the end, tr. Edwin Arnold, 1885 ↗

  • When thou hast done well, and another is benefited by thy action, must thou like a very fool look for a third thing besides, as that it may appear unto others also that thou hast done well, or that thou mayest in time, receive one good turn for another? No man useth to be weary of that which is beneficial unto him. But every action according to nature, is beneficial. Be not weary then of doing that which is beneficial unto thee, whilst it is so unto others.

    — Stoicism · Meditations, 7.XLIII, tr. George Long, 1862 ↗

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  • Therefore the (ruling) sage acts without claiming the results as his; he achieves his merit and does not rest (arrogantly) in it:--he does not wish to display his superiority.

    — Taoism · Tao Te Ching, 73-80.77, tr. James Legge, 1891 ↗

  • To act without (thinking of) acting; to conduct affairs without (feeling the) trouble of them; to taste without discerning any flavour; to consider what is small as great, and a few as many; and to recompense injury with kindness.

    — Taoism · Tao Te Ching, 57-64.63, tr. James Legge, 1891 ↗